I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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