Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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