I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
