The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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