Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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