Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
