I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
