I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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