She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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