Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
