I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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