I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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