i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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