If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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