Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
