Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
