just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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