They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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