just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
