I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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