is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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