We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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