She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
