Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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