just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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