I just saw a hot homeless man
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
