I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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