I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize