proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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