hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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