remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
