My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You brought string cheese to the strip club
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
its liver damage thursday
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
