I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
