I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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