Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
