They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
3pm strippers are depressing
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
