Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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