I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
