I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
