As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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