so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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