he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
