It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
