he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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