my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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