I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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