That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
