btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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