Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
