and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
