I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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