Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
