How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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