so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
