I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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