sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
