There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
