Barsexuality is the new black.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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