I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
