Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
