I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
