New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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