my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
