Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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