we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
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I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.