Whod you bang
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.