i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.