oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome