i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
