So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
