this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
