Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
40s are totally the cure
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
