3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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