I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you never un-have a 4some
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
