i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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