dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My feet surprised me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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