I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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