Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Are we still banned from the library?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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