This is not my ceiling
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
