Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
