You made me cry and you don't even care
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
