I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
